Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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