he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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