I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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