Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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