She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
