I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize