They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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