Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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