apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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