Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
