I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
