What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize