Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
