I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
