I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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