its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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