there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
