Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we're making bets on your personal life
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
