Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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