I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
