Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize