I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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