I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
