A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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