last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
