I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
