Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
