dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
