bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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