Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
