Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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