This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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