someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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