Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
