When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
