I wish I could punch you in the face.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
high people should be assigned attendants
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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