you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
