nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
