How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
