a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
