I cockslap morals
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
