Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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