I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
