she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
