i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize