i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
