I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is Oprah even human
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
