I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I'm really busy with my period
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