Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
