he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My cat gives me a boner
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
