So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize