The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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