Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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