so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
