i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Can I color on your dick again?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize