He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
