All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize