the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
