I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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