It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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