Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
