I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
