I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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