Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
