After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
