haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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