I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
