omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
