I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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