just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
