I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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