I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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