trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
