goodnight i made you a song goodbye
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
